Rob Gordon: Top five reasons the Twins should absolutely sign Joe Crede, listed in descending order of importance, from least to most:
One. He's a gold glove caliber fielder, something the Twins haven't had since Corey Koskie. Unless you count Nick Punto. And I don't.
Two. Depth. This team is one infield injury - at ANY position - from having Matt Tolbert be a full time starter. Bringing in Crede puts Brendan Harris as the first utility infielder off the bench. Depth counts.
Barry: Very nice, Rob, very nice. BUT you forgot one important thing. Who is the unlucky sap that doesn't make the roster if Crede is signed, huh? Four bench guys - count 'em - Harris, Redmond, fourth outfielder AND ... who's it gonna be Rob? Buscher and Tolbert represent two of Gardy's bench hard-ons - the left-handed bat versus the second middle infielder. Which desire comes out on top?
Rob (frowning): Three. Brendan Harris and Brian Buscher aren't as good as you think they are. Harris hits a little better than a utility infielder and fields worse than one. Buscher hit the snot out of righthanders but it was 174 at-bats, OK? And he's almost 28 years old. Both of these guys are real assets if they come off the bench, but not as everyday players or even as platoon guys. Especially if the lineup is already saddled with Nick Punto and Carlos Gomez.
Barry: Harris should be immediately disqualified just for how he spells his first name. "Brandon" needs to have a masculine "O" in it somewhere. This derivative of "Brenda" crap sucks @$$.
Dick: I like Harris. He reminds me of Marlon Anderson, except with his career kind of derailed, Warren Morris style. Except white.
Rob and Barry: (Blink. Blink.)
Rob: Four. Screw the money. The money doesn't mean a thing in this case. Twins fans have been brainwashed into thinking that every contract needs to be fiscally responsible. It doesn't. The Diamondbacks won a World Series while being riduculed for paying $10 million a year to a washed up Matt Williams. The Twins know damn well there is no such thing as a bad one year contract, especially when you're $20 million in the black. So don't tell me we should be passing on an opportunity to make the team better just because we want to guarantee $3 million instead of $5 million.
Barry: Yeah, and if the fascist bean counters don't like it, screw them! Let 'em riot! We don't care! We're Sonic Death Monkey!
Rob (Rubs temples. Looks up. Gathers self. Stares into camera): And five - the most important reason. Joe Crede basically is Michael Cuddyer. Both are right-handed with power. They'll both be 30 on Opening Day. Both struggle with batting average. Both were hurt most of last year. Both haven't really met expectations except for huge years in 2006.
So if the Twins had a chance to sign Michael Cuddyer for an affordable one year deal, except that they knew he would play third base at close to a gold glove level, they wouldn't do it? Of course they would. It's a no-brainer.
Barry: BZZZZZZ! Oh, I'm sorry, thanks for playing Rob. But the correct answer was "Ty Wigginton." Yes, yes, Wigginton, though the judges would've accepted any derivation of "Wiggy". Wiggy, you see, slugs left-handers at a .500-plus clip over the last three years. The perfect compliment for Buscher.
Barry: Ask him.
Barry: Wiggington, Rob. Wigginton! Yeah! Now let's get outta here. Later losers.